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Mark W
Davis
“Happy”
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Motorcycling
… the real reality show.
I just completed my first year of
cycling this past February (2006). I put eleven thousand miles on
my little ’05 V-Star 650 and found a new respect for road
hazards. As many of you know already, when I have to settle for
four wheels it is in the shape of a big blue ¾ ton Ford
F-250. Riding high with girth to spare tends to make you overlook
the small hazards found on the roads of South Carolina… but
you better open your eyes once you settle for two fewer wheels. I
have compiled a small list of those items that challenged my first
year riding skills.
Living
And Not So Living Things
-
Birds
– yes, birds nesting along side a country road can really
wake you up as they take to flight and slam into your helmet.
Thank goodness I had it on. Buzzards
are yet another story as they seem to feel the quiet stock pipes
pose no threat and refuse to yield the roadway.
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Snakes
– especially the ones that are out for a sun tan in the
early morning. It is surprising to have one try and catch a ride
with you.
-
Possums
and coons – southern road kill
can bring flash back of your MSF safety cone course… and
with it a smell that seems to ride passenger seat for a good ½
mile.
-
Bugs
– instant protein for those of us riding without a
windshield or full face helmet. “Real bikers” may
find this a gourmet snack … I try not to eat between meals
and stay behind the wind shield … especially down toward
the coast where these southern insects can carry scooters away.
-
Deer
– oh yes … lets not forget Bambi. These critters can
really ruin an afternoon ride for anything with wheels. Round a
highway corner and see Bambi in the middle of your lane can
increase the adhesiveness of your rear-end to your bike’s
leather seat not to mention the added time after the ride needed
to clean that seat.
-
Other
domestics – cats … dogs… all tend to
provide a refresher course in “lets play dodge the
critter”.
Home
Furniture
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Sofas
and sofa cushions – that’s right …
don’t expect that old pickup truck to have actually tied
the sofa in the truck. It is always exciting to find a sofa
sliding out of the back of a truck while you are navigating to
work. Especially when the driver of the truck doesn’t even
stop to reclaim the sofa from blocking the entire lane. The only
thing that made this better were the three cushions that flew off
just prior to the sofa jumping ship. Needless to say, the sounds
that came from behind me as other motorist slammed on breaks was
just as scary.
-
Chairs
and chair parts – beach chairs seem to have been the
worst thus far. Those that come flying out of boats and out of
trucks. Light weight aluminum chairs seem to bounce the best and
provide a great deal of entertainment for the cyclist just trying
to get home before it rains harder.
-
Other
furniture – some of the other items were merely
leftovers from the vehicles ahead of me that seemed to eat their
fair share of goodies left on the road way. My only task was
managing to find two feet of open road to ride.
Major
Appliances
-
Appliances
– It is hard to believe the number of dryers,
refrigerators, and hot
water heaters that can be found lingering on the edges of
the South Carolina back roads. Fortunately … most of these
were full size and bright in color.
Building
Materials
-
Lumber
– my personal favorite. I am a “termite”
(amateur woodworker) so I play with a lot of wood. It’s not
the same when you are on two wheels dodging between two by and
four bys. I usually think that it is a shame that I had no way to
bungee that load of lumber up on the bike and at the same time
clean my under shorts out from all the excitement.
-
Concrete
– concrete blocks are another story. They are rare but do,
on occasion, pop up on country roads. No doubt they bounced out
of the truck or off the trailer … never to be seen by its
concrete block family again. I have no remorse for not being able
to pick these up and take them home... I merely push them off the
road and continue my adventure.
More
than 4 wheels and not zoned in
Lets start with vehicle parts…
-
Tires
– separated tires are almost as common as the mosquito down
south. These hazards blend in nicely with new asphalt and usually
seem to be off of some earth mover the size of New Jersey. But
those that lay motionless on the black top are not even close to
those separating from the tractor trailer that just passed you on
the left running slightly below warp speed. Truly one of the
highest “pucker” factors experienced thus far. I had
to take a moment after this experience just to make sure I spoke
to the man up stairs and to pry my rear end up off the seat.
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Metals
– mufflers, hub
caps, and bumpers oh my. Hard
to believe some of these cars made it off the road way with the
“spare” parts they left behind to keep my ride
entertaining. From a step bumper to an exhaust system …
one could open a small used parts store.
Now
to the drivers… and I guess this part might need to be
expanded beyond 4 wheels based on some of the Goldwings that
passed me this week.
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Cell
Phones - Everyone has experienced the driver on an urgent
call. The call that had to be made during rush hour while the
driver tries to practice for his or her NASCAR debut. No need to
go further on this one … seems that the cell phone is
permanently attached to some driver’s ears.
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Fashion
conscious – the fashion conscious driver that wants
to pluck eye brows, comb hair, brush teeth, apply make-up, pick
their nose, and take those long gazes in the mirror that we all
thought was designed for looking to the rear of the vehicle.
Others add yet another mirror so they get the full effect with
each extended stare… never looking for the nervous wreck
they just ran off the road with that last unexpected lane change.
-
Readers
– those that can’t seem to wait to get to the end of
a story. That’s right … from truckers reading
newspapers, ladies clipping coupons, to the engrossed reader of a
romance novel … just imagine the feeling of glancing over
to see a driver holding a full newspaper up looking at the want
ads while traveling 70 miles an hour. Or the reader that had to
call her best friend to read the last chapter to her on the way
to work. These drivers make you rethink the layers of safety gear
you have on … just not sure how to get that plate steel
into the jacket or mount the 360 degree air bag up.
Road
Hazards – those common hazards like pot
holes, safety cones, asphalt
over pours and the like we have all faced. Even the knee
deep sink holes that are big enough
for a family of trout are common enough in South Carolina that you
just expect those to crop up.
But
now on to my Dad’s favorite … I
have been sharing these riding experiences over the past number of
months with my 70 year old father. He seems to really relate to my
experiences since he has been riding far longer than I have been
around. The fact that this is one of the few things we share in
common also makes this kind of special.
I told him time and time again
about the “bull $@*!” on the road ways that I have
encountered. Well, one morning the back roads called to me. I
jumped on my trusty little star and I was on my way to Edisto to
meet up with a friend of mine. The morning was very warm as they can be in
South Carolina. About an hour into the trip, I rounded a curve
near Cooper’s Creek golf course. The trees along this
stretch cast shadows along the road but I noticed something
strange ahead. It appeared to be freshly poured asphalt. Not
wanting to slam into what looked to be a four inch rise in the
road surface, I eased the bike to the center line. As soon as I
passed the rise in the road, it became very clear to my sinuses
that this was not asphalt … it was fresh manure that had
found its way to my entire side of the road way and seemed to be
endless. Needless to say this was an experience and smell that
lasted for some time … even after I tracked down a car wash
to hose down the bike. The smell just had to follow me all the way
to Edisto. Upon arriving in Edisto, I dialed my Dad to share with
him the latest “bull $@*!” I found on the road…
literally. I thought my father was going to
die from the laughter … I was glad to know that I caused a
little smile with a stinky situation that gave a whole new meaning
to riding with the shiny side up.
I merely wanted to
share with y’all (southern for “yous guys”) my
first year of cycling. It has become one of my most enjoyable past
times and although exciting at times it is still a joy to
experience and share with others.
-MWD
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